My playlist may surprise you…

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The kids are on Fall Break and this week they will be going to camp. That means Mommy will regain control of the radio in the car. I prepared properly with the aptly named “NOT FOR THE KIDS” USB folder. It’s the Chronic Album…and the JAY Z Album…and the Eminem Album – because Mommy loves gangster rap. Yup, that’s right. There is no better way to let go of the morning frustrations of kids fighting, no one eating breakfast, toothpaste mishaps and debates about who gets to walk out the door first then a fresh batch of phat beats thrown down by my favorite old school artists. Swearing helps. I am sorry to tell you this if you are against it, but it does. And much like a tree falling alone in the forest, if you swear alone, does it really happen? The answer is yes it does, and it purifies you of all the stress in your life and prepares you for an afternoon filled with Justin Bieber when the kids are back in the car.

I relate to gangster rappers. Stop laughing. I do. Let me “break it down” for you fools. Snoop Dog drinks gin and juice while driving – well – I drink vitamin water – BUT, when I am on my way to Target to “hopefully” only spend $20 I too have my “mind on my money and my money on my mind.” See? We aren’t so different, Calvin Broadus and I. And Snoop also resides on the “East side” — yup, me too! Ok the east side of Gilbert but c’mon the similarities are just astounding.

Dre. Dre often lets people know how he feels about punks and how he deals with people who cross him — believe me I can totally hear what he’s saying. You guys remember how I felt when that Walmart employee said he was out of the Pumpkin Spice Oreos, right?! Well as Ice Cube puts it, he should really check himself before he wrecks himself. Because drugs in the lungs, er, not fulfilling my pumpkin needs, is bad for your health.

I know, I know, these guys would be appalled if they knew I was among their audience. But I like to think that as Eminem says, “It would feel so empty without me.” I have been with you since the beginning, a loyal fan who holds private concerts showcasing your talents in a poor (but highly accurate manner) in the driver’s seat of my Equinox every day. I know, I’m pretty hardcore right?

Hey, we all have our vices. I don’t drink, smoke, or do anything that really requires any sort of intervention – so I am allowed to be a ‘lil gangster. As Jay Z (and the cast of Annie) point out – it’s a hard-knock life and this Mama needs her rap, fool. Mic drop.

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