Staci’s Addiction


The other day I picked up my Walmart Grocery Order. When the attendant approached my car, he smiled and said, “Hi Mrs. Hauk, there was only one substitution in your order today.” Anyone who does the Walmart Pick Up Service knows what a relief that is when there is only one substitution in your order. Then he dropped the bomb. “It appears we were out of the new Pumpkin Spice Oreos so we gave you regular Oreos instead.” And my heart sank a little. I watched the smile fade from his face and he looked sympathetic. “I know you probably wanted those. They are flying off the shelf. We sold out of them in less than a day, sorry.” Sorry? Sorry doesn’t put the Pumpkin Spice Oreos in my mouth does it? I was ashamed at my wayward unkind thoughts. But yeah, I was annoyed. And so it begins. My addiction — it rears it’s ugly head every September. I have a fall addiction — it’s a serious affliction, and I expect you to keep a straight face while I put it all out there.

Errands usually are a chore, and I get them done efficiently and quickly. Yesterday I stopped in the Dollar Store for some essentials…hair bands, napkins, toothbrushes…and leaf scatter. Yes you heard me, leaf scatter. It’s a key element in any fall-scape.  I glanced over the aisles and there was plenty of leaf scatter to be had: golds, reds, greens, but no glittery accented leaves. So I went to Target. And Walmart. And Hobby Lobby. And Michaels. At no point in this obsessive craft-tastrophy did I stop and get my shit together long enough to realize I am burning a whole tank of gas over leaf scatter. Because I needed it. And I planned to find it. Thank you Joann’s Fabric. My Haunted Town Display is now complete.

On a recent trip for Halloween costumes to Party City, I had a one track mind: to find the kids’ costumes. We walked the aisles, my ears filled with shouts of “I want this costume, I love this one.” But I was too preoccupied to listen. I was too busy taking in the sites — the glorious sites — of ghosts, goblins and glowing skeletons. I found myself mentally computing how much it would cost if I bought it all. Think of how magical my yard would look. I decided I would have to come back at another time, alone, to really think this all through. It was too much pressure with the kids there.

Nightmare Before Christmas is my favorite movie. I love it so much that I watch it in the off season too. Over the weekend we were out and about when I spotted a Jack Skellington Inflatable. So much yes. I noticed they were out of them on the shelves so I ran over to Customer Service to ask for the display. I was told no. No!? I leaned into the Associate and said, “You don’t understand, we really need that inflatable.” The look of fear on the Associate’s face made me realize she didn’t share my affliction and so I smiled politely and walked away, inner defeat bubbling in my gut.  I spent the next few hours researching the company who made the inflatable and came to find out that Walgreens had a similar one and so, low and behold, I was able to sleep that night knowing my Jack inflatable is tucked away in my closet for October.

I know this too shall pass. Come December I will shake it off and become my “Normal Oreo”, “no leaf scatter” self again. Until then I will spend every walk through a fall aisle with a constant inner monologue about spider web colors for our trees and the perfect sized pumpkins for my doorstep.


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